The Convention

Now that the RNC and the DNC have ended and everyone has gone home with sore hands and hoarse voices, I have decided that I want to give the next speech at one of the next conventions. It does not matter which one, in fact wouldn't it be great if you could just merge both conventions in to one big one, trash eachother, brawl, cheer, clap, punch, what a hooha that would be. But back to me speaking. Its got to be the easiest gig on the planet. I would walk out and get a cheer, I would say Thankyou, thankyou all for coming, viva la Republicans (or Dems whichever you prefer) and another cheer. I would like to thank my mother (Cheer and standing ovation and a few pats on the shoulder for her) and my wife (as above big cheer standing "O" touch touch etc.) my lovely children Abby, Alex, Becca, and Billy (cheer cheer standing "O" your so cute your not pregnant are you, no I'm only 12 whats pregnant etc..) Then I would ask for quiet, stand there for a minute, raise my hands and say "GOD BLESS AMERICA" (Pandamonium, cheer cheer cheer, standing "O", touch touch etc...) I would then endorse the candidate of the day, tell a few stories of how I shot and field dressed a salmon in the Denali with the said candidate and sipped tea in our pajamas while playing WAR together, looking at the globe and counting the 56 states. Then after those cheers died down, I would re thank everyone for having me speak, re GOD BLESS AMERICA and re endorse the said candidate (cheers pandamonium, touch, clap etc etc...) Then I would walk off and realize that I really didn't say anything and the cheers lasted longer than my speech. Sounds very familiar.