As parents we are obsessed with appearences by the orders we call out...clean your room, brush your teeth, brush your hair, Billy stop painting your face, fix that hole in the wall, get our brother off the roof, pick up the dog crap and get it off my shoe. I've heard it said that we spend less than 15 minutes a day (don't quote me on that but I know its a low number of minutes) actually talking to our kids and if you add in all the "Rules and orders" what is it that we actually say that is worthwhile. I come home from work, how was school, what did you learn, did you do your homework, get a bath, brush your hair, read for a 1/2 our and go to bed. I'm a fun dad. Don't eat dinner with them all week, I get home to late, give em the standard questions, pack them off to bed. So I've decided to make a concerted effort to change my delivery and time with the chilren.
From now on no more orders to get a bath or brush your hair, homework yes, but heck they can be the stinky Rices with the wild hair if they want to. They can dirty up their rooms, the yelling to clean it up doesn't work anyway, they can wear their dirty clothes all they want. They can leave the dirty dishes, eat half or none of their food and still have a snack, stay up late, and argue about who is sleeping with who. I mean really does it make a difference. I look at how we grew up and hell we all turned out ok. Mom was there that was all we needed. I don't remember keeping my room clean, doing particularly well in school, being a great athelete, but I was an ok kid who drank some, experimented with the chemical brain blunting agents (not LSD I think that was the oldest sister). I jumped off buildings, became a firefighter went into burning buildings, cussed some, was mean at times, busy, lazy, funny and stupid, thru all of that I don't remember Mom yelling rules much (but hell I lived with her for 30 years and she was more worried about finding a girl in my room not clothes on the floor) besides what good is it yelling at a 30 year old to clean his room. So I think I'll back off, hell Mom did ok with us.
About Me
- Rider
- Father of 4 of the alledged greatest kids on earth, Abby, Alex, Becca, and Billy. Wife of 30 years, Patty. Flight Nurse and Paramedic, saving the world 1 patient at a time
2012 Halloween with Granny
Becca with Toby
The proud new mamas
4 comments:
I agree with you. Kids need to know they are loved, that they have boundaries, and that their parents can be trusted. I probably yelled more than I should have, but not a whole lot. (Ask my kids, they might remember differently). I tried to "choose my battles." I did not care what kind of clothes they wore as long as their heinies weren't showing, I didn't care about hair styles or music choices or whether their rooms were clean or whether they got a tattoo. Okay, I did care if they had clean rooms but I learned to close the door and to have massive cleaning days once in awhile. LOL I think our main job as parents is to keep them safe and healthy and to teach them how to think for themselves. I wanted them to learn how to make decisions and choices. I worried about bad things happening to them and how could I could prevent that and realized that some things I just couldn't control. But mostly I wanted to have a pleasant and happy environment and you can't have that if you are on their cases all the time. I was a weird mother in some ways; some things I was very strict about (WEAR YOUR SEATBELT!) and some things I couldn't care less about "yes, you may watch Beavis and Butthead even if none of your friends are allowed to." We had some lectures but I like to think we had more discussions and "figuring things out" than lectures. Again, ask my kids, they might remember differently!
There's a great book you might want to read called Taking Back Childhood by Nancy Carllson Paige.
And, believe it or not, I never tried LSD, was too scared I would be the one to think I could fly and jump off a building. :)
I tried the hollering but it really didn't do any good. Found that a closed door said it all.
I only recently learned the miracle of ear plugs. I don't do much yelling, although I do more than Tim does. It's the kids' yelling or crying that gets me. Usually a hug calms them down and clams them up, Praise the Lord. :) (And when that doesn't work, it's earplugs for me.)
I think I yelled more when the older three were young, but by the time Eli came along, I'd mellowed out a whole lot...maybe too much. It was always hectic and crazy at our house, but I wouldn't trade it in for anything. I'm just a little amazed that with my idiosyncrasies and inconsistencies, all six turned out to be such wonderful people. Ok- Eli's not grown yet, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed- so far, so good! And despite me, both Kristinn and Rachel are superb mothers...I wish I had been as good!
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